GROWN UP LIFE!

she proposed i said, smiling and feeling joyful for the first time in a long time.
i guess this is the next step, the right direction of things. never thought that i understood how life will evolve.
we are two women that are getting married. not because we are two women or because it is such a thing for gay couples to be doing, but because we can and because we want to.
that is such a difrent thing. to want to. to be able to have the laws aply to what you want to do and not to what you must.
before i never considered the fact that one day i will be getting married, yes there have been proposals but not to much responce from my side, now with the difrence of the new law that gay couples can get married and not be joined in a partnership my thinking is defrent. it is not a thing any more. it is just marriedge. a holy matrumony. a union between two loved ones and this is the reason i said yes. i love her and she loves me and now are love can be joined without making it into a spectical that is not an equal bond in the eyes of the law, now we will be married like any other couple that is in love.
now: can anybody help us pay for this wedding???
just kidding.

wondering

when you start to fill up that glass of win the second and third time, or that low glass of baileys and you are alone and the nicotine pads become those cancer sticks you swore you would give up, you start to wonder, wonder about life and its content.
i am living the right life?
what if i did something different, would i be here today?
when i was younger i never stopped to think, i just knew.
i had planed for my life to be an adventure. to be able to do what i wanted.
to just live and be happy.
that happiness turned pretty quickly into depression, and that what ever i wanted part, got replaced by bills, rules, behavior patterns and that word that i always hated keeps turning up: MUST!
i must do this and i must do that and i must be in a way that is acceptable to others.
what if i say fuck it? how many people want to say that?!
i was the person that always left, i just left. i have traveled and seen a lot, lived all over and was so happy about that.
my dream job: actress or flight attended, that way i could be places other that home. dream places. it worked, my flying away all the time. it worked for sometime, then i got an apartment, then i opened my own business, then i fucked it up!
now i just wonder where that girl is? that wonderful creature that i loved so much.
that was free to breath and never wonder what if...

could it be love?

there are people in this world that just do not get it.
people who only care about them selfs, but funny enough those are the people that get ahead and sometimes the people we fall for and look up to.
most of the time if someone treats you like shit, you go back to them, you remember them when they live you, you cry about them when you are left alone to pick up the pieces.
if someone is too good to be true, you will find a way to complain.
i met a group of people a while ago, they don´t necessarily know that much about love or its ways. they only know it in its purest form.
i tried to explain the pain and anguish it brings with it, but with no luck of comprehension.
they had to fell it.
that is what i forgot.
you must feel it.
you must feel love.
as a child you must get burned to understand what fire is, i guess that burning feeling is what we need.
we need to feel, we need to hurt, we need to wonder, all that makes us feel alive, then we know we matter.
it was naive of me to think that the fisrt girl i ever met would be the one, well i guess if we where in a fairy tail...
"coming out" is not really appreciated, everybody keeps talking about hearts getting broken and about the drama.
well i am proud to say that thought none of this has been easy on me, i would not change it for the world.
love and broken hearts, has let time guide me and give my heart the space it need in order to start beating in its passionet rhythm.
it is easier to love and fall in love if you already got your heart broken, then at list you know that you can love somebody for real.
and know that the ticker is fixed and without its holes, the only thing left to do is start living.

the taming of the shrew

oh for fucks sake.... i just wonder, people keep telling me that i should give humans the benefit of the doubt, but i just do not get homofobes- what am i going to do as a dyke to another girl in a bar filled with people? she just had to flatter herself now, didn't she?
listen children and learn how pathetic fucks can actually ruining your evening-thus the story:

i walk in a bar with my best friend whom i haven't seen 4 soooo long, i missed her so we thought a night out,at the same time another friend of ours was singing at this lounge bar, so we thought "great", and off we were.
at the bar we meet up with a couple of other friends and some people i do not know. somehow it gets out that i am indeed a LESBIAN, and we start joking about girls in short skirts and tops, this one girl ( later known as the bitch ) looks at me kind of funny so i just stopped the jokes and said: no i am kidding, i am in a relationship. and she turns around and says: with a girl? (...)
anyway we go off to sit at the table so we could see the band better. all is good, we love the songs, great job done, and the band stops 4 a break, we start the talking, and she ( the bitch ) tells me how she knows my sister and how her husband was working with my sister and basically- who gives a shit, but i still listen and nod and smile.
after a few minutes my girl comes and the only stol available is between the "bitch" and another girl, both greek.
so the "bitch" starts to talk to my girl and all is cool, now if you know my girl you should also know that she kind of shy.
i smiled and turned to my best friend and said: so sweet, maria is so shy and i put her between to greeks! and my best friend says: cool she will learn faster that way! we laughed and i put my hand on marias lap and smile over at the "bitch".
the band took a break one more time when the bitch from hell leans over and tell my best friend to watch their drinks, and i respond instead and say "sure". this was the conversation:
me: sure we will keep an eye on it
bitch: what?
m:sure we will keep an eye on it
b: was i speaking to you? i was talking to your friend ( who was gone by that time)
m: ok, is something wrong?
b: listen to me, i am married and 35 years old!
m: ?ok????? so?
b: who the hell do you think....
m: first of all do not talk to me like that, and if there is a problem just tell me what happend and lower your voice.
b:why did you touch your friend on the lap and talk about me?
m: she is my girl, not friend which you know and second of all i said to my friend that she was shy and it was cute how she was sitting between to people she does not know, that's why i smiled at you, because of that, now what's your problem, if you think i did something wrong, tell, do not start yelling like a fucking idiot.
she goes off to smoke and starts yelling outside the bar, where my best friend is .
my freind tells her to calm down and tells her exacly what i said, the other people tell her also that i would never cuss someone behind their backs, it just isn't my style.
the bitch comes up again and start up again and at that point i was fed up with that shit so we just left, i learn today she was stil at it after we left...

people are fucking retards, fucking low lifes, who the fuck does she thinks she is????
well she is 35 married and hads a 13 year old kid.
lesson leard: DO NOT BECOME 35, GET MARRIED AND LET YOUR KID BECOME 13, BEACUSE MY FRIEND YOU WILL THEN HAVE BECOME A SHREW!